When my husband and I were going through our own infertility struggles 7 years ago, I would have never thought I’d someday be a mother of four, much less a gestational carrier! When I got married, I was young and without health problems. I thought getting pregnant would be a breeze! After a subsequent year and a half of trying, I felt profoundly sad and humbled. We were very determined to become parents, and after unsuccessful rounds of medication and IUI, we turned to IVF. The whole process of precisely administering different (and expensive!) medications seemed daunting. In reality it wasn’t as bad as I feared, as our fertility clinic staff was easily accessible to answer questions. We were fortunate that IVF yielded several viable embryos, and in the course of four years we ended up having two boys, then twin girls. Ours happened to be a success story.
After the birth of our twins, we felt 100% confident that our family was complete. We had implanted all our embryos and, well, four kids are plenty to handle. Six months after that, a friend mentioned she was looking into the possibility of using a gestational carrier (GC) to have a second child. That sparked an idea in me- I realized I could be a great GC candidate. I was familiar with the embryo transfer process (and a champ with self injections, haha), and I had a very good success rate with embryos implanting, and most importantly is I had all healthy pregnancies with full term babies. I contacted my fertility clinic and they directed me to The Surrogacy Center.
Anyone who has been through the infertility process knows that everything takes time and you must be patient. The same applies for becoming a gestational carrier and getting matched. It takes time for good reason! As a GC, I knew that I needed to meet both physical and mental health goals. If approved, I also knew that I would need to feel extremely comfortable with the intended parents (IPs). Fortunately, The Surrogacy Center did an excellent job matching me with my IPs. I hope I can speak for them when I say from our first meeting it truly felt like the right fit.
Everyone’s situation will vary, but the embryo I agreed to carry wasn’t ready until about 9 months after I was matched. Even though I was familiar with the embryo transfer process, my IPs had used a different fertility clinic than my own, and their protocol was slightly different. It is certainly nerve-wracking to start the pre-transfer process. There is pressure to not “mess up” the medication protocol – it’s a costly process, both in a mental sense and a monetary sense! I did feel well supported from both The Surrogacy Center, the fertility clinic, and of course the IPs.
Fast forward to 8 months after getting a positive pregnancy test- my last trimester had been going smoothly, then COVID hit. Suddenly I had all four kids at home full time. I had to balance their school work and taking care of two year old twins while waddling around. The no-coffee rule hadn’t been a big deal until then! My OB appointments were still on track, but now the IPs were not allowed to be there (they had previously been able to come to every single one of my appointments, as they’re local). We were able to FaceTime so they could ask my OB any questions.
As the final weeks ticked by, the COVID crisis grew more and more severe. The clinic and hospital guidelines became even tighter, and we were devastated when we got the call from a Labor and Delivery nurse to advise us that the IPs would no longer be allowed in the room when I was delivering. We all shared tears over that. I personally was heartbroken that after such a long road, the IPs would miss out on one of the most life-changing moments a person could experience.
I felt a tremendous amount of pressure – self induced – to not get COVID myself, as that would mean that my husband wouldn’t be allowed to be by my side for delivery either. I did my best to be an extreme homebody. When I did venture out to buy groceries, it felt surreal. This was during the food-hoarding toilet-paper shortage phase of early COVID pandemic.
Fortunately I stayed healthy, as did the IPs. The hospital was really great with coordinating the birth plan in the days leading up to my planned induction at 39 weeks. Though the IPs wouldn’t be allowed in the room, they would be set up in the room adjacent to mine, so as soon as the baby was stabilized, he would be brought next door to them for some skin-to-skin time ASAP. We were all given masks upon check in. Anyone who has given birth can attest to the fact that there is so much going on that you’re pretty unaware of minor things, such as wearing a mask.
My induction went smoothly and I gave birth to a healthy baby boy in the evening. It was very surreal seeing him for the first time! He had a head full of dark hair, very unlike my own babies. No wonder I had such bad heartburn in the last trimester! He was in the room with me for about 5 minutes while he was cleaned up and had his vitals checked. To be honest I wasn’t even very aware of when the nurses left the room with him as I was focusing on delivering the placenta.
About an hour after he was born, the nurses let the IPs come visit me with him. I got to hold him all swaddled up and talk to him. It was pretty special to be able to see him after carrying him for all those months. Even sweeter was seeing him with his real parents! It brought back such happy memories of when I got to hold my own babies for the first time.
After chatting for a while, it was time for all of us to move to our post-partum rooms. It was late by that time and we were all tired. I was truly not one bit jealous of them spending that first night with the baby – I needed some sleep! Because I had a routine delivery and no complications, I was discharged home the next afternoon. The IPs and I did visit again before I left, and I was able to get a few pictures with the baby. We said our goodbyes, but knew we would be seeing each other again soon. Our mutual plan was for me to pump for a few weeks and they would pick up the milk- another huge perk of having local IPs.
In the weeks that followed, my focus was completely on parenting my own kids in the midst of COVID. Recovery was simple – it’s of course much easier when you don’t have a newborn to be caring for. Emotionally I felt well, too. Every GC has a different experience, but I personally had no feelings of wishing the baby had been mine. I hadn’t had postpartum depression with any pregnancy, but I knew it was still a possibility. Fortunately, I recovered well physically and mentally.
It’s been three months since I had the baby, and in many ways, it feels like a lifetime ago. The IPs send occasional pictures and it’s fun to see him growing into an adorably chubby baby. Even with the stressors of COVID, being a GC was an overwhelmingly positive experience and I wouldn’t have done anything differently in hindsight.