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Online Surrogate Recruitment: The Risks

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These days, online ads promising astronomical compensation and benefits for potential GCs are running amok online, and we have fielded many recent questions as to if this is a reliable way to A) find a GC and B) sign up to be a GC. Here are several reasons why online recruitment for surrogates can be problematic, particularly when not done carefully or ethically:

  1. Lack of Screening and Oversight

Many online platforms allow anyone to post or respond to surrogate recruitment ads, often without any medical, psychological, or legal screening. This opens the door to unqualified or vulnerable individuals being recruited without proper safeguards in place.

  1. Exploitation Risks

Online recruitment can make it easier for unethical actors to exploit women, especially those facing financial hardship. Without the protections of a reputable agency or legal counsel, potential surrogates may be offered unfair compensation or misled about the risks and responsibilities involved.

  1. Misleading or Incomplete Information

Web ads and social media posts often simplify or glamorize surrogacy, leaving out crucial information about medical procedures, legal contracts, emotional demands, and potential complications. This can lead to unrealistic expectations and emotional distress later in the process.

  1. Bypassing Legal and Ethical Standards

Recruiting online can sometimes lead to arrangements made outside of established legal or ethical frameworks. This includes skipping psychological evaluations, legal contracts, or matching processes designed to protect both intended parents and surrogates. 

  1. Privacy and Confidentiality Issues

Online communication lacks the confidentiality safeguards that established agencies provide. Sensitive personal and medical information might be shared over insecure platforms, creating risks for identity theft or breaches of privacy.

  1. Lack of Ongoing Support

Online matches often don’t include access to case managers, mental health professionals, or legal advocates who guide and support surrogates throughout the journey. This can leave surrogates feeling isolated or unsupported, especially in complex or high-stress situations.

Overall, it is best to do your research when seeking out resources that either recruit or match GCs online.  Though there can be legitimate ways to do this, the field is replete with bad actors and scammers who can turn your dream into a nightmare.

And remember the old adage: “If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.”

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A Surrogacy Chat with GC Amy K

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Let’s start with the basics: When were you first matched with your IPs, and how did you know you were the right fit for each other?

Getting the initial email was exciting but scary. Their story was heartbreaking and I just tried to imagine how they had been feeling going through so much. I just felt very drawn to them and we all seemed very alike. During the first meeting I was very nervous but as the meeting went on, I felt more and more comfortable. They were so easy to talk to and I just had an overall good feeling about it.

About how much time was there between matching and your embryo transfer? What did you do to bond with each other during that period?

I believe it was around 5-6 months. We started texting and getting to know each other and we met up for dinner.

How did you and your IPs stay connected during your pregnancy? Were they able/interested in coming to some of your OB appointments? 

We texted each other almost daily. I sent them a weekly bump photo and really enjoyed having that to look forward to every week. The IP’s were at every appointment and I was beyond thankful that they were willing to come to each one. I felt like that really made our bond stronger and we were all very open with each other.

Tell us all about your labor and delivery experience! How did you all decide who would be there, what your roles would be, etc.? 

We discussed different scenarios and how we pictured everything going. As most people know labor doesn’t always go as planned but we just went with the flow. The major things we talked about went perfectly and the moment that baby was born was such a magical moment!

Even though our brain logically knows the baby we carry is not ours, our hormones can affect us otherwise. How has it been recovering from delivery? 

I was definitely worried about this but throughout the whole journey you know it isn’t your baby to keep. I got asked this question so much and that is how I would respond “she isn’t mine to keep”. I could tell when my hormones started to change at the hospital and explained to the IP’s that I was crying a lot, but it was all happy tears. I did not regret anything and my hormones just needed to be released.

Thank you to Amy for your amazing gift – you helped make your IPs’ dream come true!

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A Surrogacy Story with: Dakota, a Gestational Carrier

Peyton1Dakota is a first-time gestational carrier who lives in Wisconsin. She was matched with intended

parents who also live in Wisconsin. Together they welcomed a sweet baby girl this summer. Here she shares her surrogacy story from beginning to end!

 

Let’s start with the basics: When were you first matched with your IPs, and how did you know you were the right fit for each other?

I remember being told around March last year (not too long after submitting my application and paperwork) that I already had a potential match. However, we didn’t officially meet/match until May last year! I remember being super nervous during that first meeting, but it didn’t take long to get comfortable, which is how I knew I would love to be matched with them!

Another indicator was how similar our expectations were, such as the amount of communication throughout the pregnancy and after, appointment attendance, presence in the delivery room, supplying breast milk, etc.

About how much time was there between matching and your embryo transfer? What did you do to bond with each other during that period?

The embryo transfer occurred in December last year, about 7 months after the matching. To get to know each other better, we started communication via email and set up a day in July to meet up. Our initial match meeting was via Zoom, so it was nice to finally meet and talk in person! Around this time, we exchanged numbers which became our main form of communication.

How did you and your IPs stay connected during your pregnancy? Were they able/interested in coming to some of your OB appointments?

They live about 1.5 hours from me, so we stayed connected via text message. Texting made it easy to send little updates as the pregnancy progressed. Due to COVID, the hospital I was being seen at only allowed one person in the room at a time, so the IP’s alternated each ultrasound appointment. I had VCI (Velamentous Cord Insertion) this pregnancy so I had frequent ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy to monitor the baby’s growth. This also gave the IP’s many opportunities to see their baby girl and they never missed an ultrasound!

As for the normal appointments, if they happened to be on the same day as the ultrasound, then yes, they would attend. Otherwise, I did not expect them to drive that far for a 10 minute appointment, so I would record videos of the fetal doppler and send them an update on what the doctor said.

Tell us all about your labor and delivery experience! How did you all decide who would be there, what your roles would be, etc.?

I have been pregnant four times prior to this one, and each one I had to be induced, so imagine my surprise when I realized I was in labor the day I turned 37 weeks! In short, I woke up at 1:30am on August 11 to sporadic gushing of fluid. Since I have not experienced going into labor naturally, I was in denial and thought there was no way, especially 3 weeks early! However, after some back and forth from the bed to the bathroom, I called the hospital to speak with a nurse who told me to come in and plan to stay. I got there a little before 3am, got the epidural around 5am, pitocin around 6-6:30am, IP’s arrived around 7:30am, and baby girl was here at 8:50am!

The labor wasn’t too bad. The only thing that made it uncomfortable or bothersome even after the epidural was the amount of pressure I felt, which I have never felt with any other pregnancy. It felt like she was right there ready to slip out the entire time. I think this was because she was still pretty active and kicking pretty good, which wasn’t unusual because I swear she never slept the duration of the pregnancy haha! She came out quick and easy, and both IP’s were in the room with me. They were perfectly fine if I wanted my husband in there, but as long as they were comfortable, I much rather preferred that they be in there to watch their daughter come into the world! They were very comforting as everyone was getting ready for me to push, and they held my hand as I pushed her out.

Seeing them look at their daughter for the first time and hold her was the best thing ever. The delivery of the placenta was another story. The cord detached as the doctor tried to pull it out, so he had to reach up there himself. It took about 15 minutes before he was able to get a grip on it and get it out. It was very painful, but I would do it all over again in a heartbeat!

Even though our brain logically knows the baby we carry is not ours, our hormones can affect us otherwise. How has it been recovering from delivery?

Physically, I was doing pretty good! I had some severe cramps during the first week, but I was told that the cramps tend to worsen with each pregnancy. Emotionally? The first few days were rough. I really missed feeling her move and kick, and it’s hard not to form a bond with someone you carried/grew for 8+ months. However, I have been exclusively pumping breast milk to send to the IP’s, and I feel providing milk for her has helped me not feel like that connection was completely severed. The IP’s updates have also helped a lot!

What advice would you give those considering using a gestational carrier?

Don’t rush and make sure the person you choose is 100% on the same page as you and is someone that you can build a relationship with (if you so choose). I would recommend having a list of questions ready for that initial meeting with your potential carrier! Also, if your first meeting is through a video chat, make sure to schedule a time to meet up before the transfer. I may have known I wanted to carry for the IP’s I matched with during that initial meeting, but meeting in person really confirmed it. It gave us a chance to really get to know each other through natural conversation, which allowed us to build a naturally-formed relationship outside of the mindset “this person is going to be carrying my child so we need to have some sort of a relationship”.

What advice would you give those considering becoming a gestational carrier?

I would say the same thing as above, it is so important to be on the same page as the IP’s! While it is the carrier who is doing the most important job of growing and carrying the baby, it is still the IP’s baby. Finding a balance that respects the IP’s wishes as well as keeps the carrier comfortable and relaxed is so important. I would also recommend the carrier making a list of questions to ask, as well! Also to add, baby’s form bonds with their parents inside the womb via smell and sound.

During the pregnancy, I recommend getting a product called “belly buds” that allow IP’s to record things, share them with you via a free app that works with the buds so that you can play it for the baby. Just stick the buds on your belly and hit play on whatever the IP’s shared! This allows baby to get used their parents voice before birth. Also, send a blanket with your scent on it home with baby. Both of these things will help baby be comfortable with their parents and adjust to being with them and without you.

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Surrogacy in a post-Roe v. Wade world

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On Friday, June 24 2022 in Dobbs v. Jackson, the Supreme Court overturned an almost-50 year old law protecting a woman’s established right to terminate her pregnancy, deeming it “unconstitutional” and defying landmark precedent in the matter.  For many of our clients and for women and families around the country, this ruling is particularly troubling for many reasons.  Many of you will likely have questions as you embark on your surrogacy journey, and we will do our absolute best to be on top of the most accurate and updated information possible.  First, here is a joint statement from maternal health specialists in reaction to the decision:

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***The Surrogacy Center agrees wholeheartedly with this statement as it effectively summarizes our position on this matter and serves to lay out in great detail just how harmful this decision is to women and families in the United States.***

For an up-to-date map on where each state currently stands, please visit the Center for Reproductive Rights website and click on the state in question.

Next, we will address some FAQs in order to try to answer any initial questions we will likely get as a result of this ruling.

1. What happens in MINNESOTA if a GC needs to terminate a pregnancy?

Abortion remains legal in Minnesota and is likely to be for the unforeseeable future.  In Women of Minn. v. Gomez, 542 N.W.2d 17 (Minn. 1995), the state’s highest Court recognized the right to abortion under the Minnesota Constitution, protecting the right to choose as a fundamental one – even to a greater extent than the U.S. Constitution before Roe was overturned.  This cannot be undone by executive action even if an anti-abortion governor were to win the election in 2022, so the worst case scenario is that should that happen, they would have to amend the constitution, with a question added to the ballot in the 2024 election. As a large majority of Minnesota residents favor abortion rights, this is unlikely – but it is nonetheless important to know what the implications could be should the political climate in MN be reversed.

2. What will happen in WISCONSIN if a GC needs to terminate a pregnancy?

Abortion has been officially banned in the state of Wisconsin, as the SCOTUS ruling means Wisconsin has reverted to it’s last abortion law from 1849 which prohibits abortions at any gestational age. The ONLY exception is if the mother’s/carrier’s life is at risk, making it necessary for a doctor to determine if an abortion is medically necessary to save a woman’s life.

The current governor, lieutenant governor and attorney general in the state of Wisconsin are vehemently against the reversal of Roe and are protectors of abortion rights, and have stated they will in no way enforce the ban.  However – it will be up to local jurisdictions as to whether or not they will use their resources to enforce the 170+ year-old ban, which still needs to be clarified (and will likely be challenged), so it is still unknown as to what this will look like in the near future.

If the current governor and attorney general are not reelected in 2022, it is very likely that the laws will become even more restrictive in Wisconsin than they are now.

3. What are our legal options if a GC lives in Wisconsin and needs to terminate a pregnancy?

Surrogacy attorneys all over the country are in the midst of reviewing the various state laws and what impacts they would have on Gestational Carrier Agreements.  Currently, many attorneys are adding language to the contracts that state that if termination is necessary or imminent and the GC resides in a state with a ban, the IPs must cover the costs for their GC to travel to an abortion-friendly state (such as Minnesota or Illinois) for the procedure.  The only foreseeable problem with this would be if Wisconsin (or other states where bans have gone into effect) enacts legislation to prosecute a woman for crossing state lines for an abortion, as well as anyone who assists her in doing so (as is the case in Texas). Currently there is no law or statute that dictates this, but we will continue to watch and will update these answers as more information comes in.

4. How does the ruling affect IVF in general?

According to Forbes, “Overturning Roe v. Wade will not automatically outlaw ART and IVF. However, a number of states have “trigger laws” in place that could outlaw abortion if Roe v. Wade is overturned, including Kentucky, Texas and Louisiana.”

The full article can be found here.

Another article from the Washington Post that discusses the matter in more detail may be found here.

CONCLUSION: 

In general, much of the information surrounding this ruling is still up in the air – as attorneys, agencies, legislators and medical professionals are scrambling to make sense of each implication that could arise after the ruling and what it would likely mean for various clients.  At The Surrogacy Center, we stand firm in our resolve to give our clients the most updated and accurate information we possibly can, while emphasizing that everything is in a virtual flux at the moment.

We are committed to fighting for the rights of women and families everywhere to build their families as they see fit and to protect the confidentiality of all of our clients as we navigate these rough waters.  As SCOTUS has egregiously misinterpreted the notion of constitutionality and applied their political views in an activist manner to this decision, you can rest assured that we will fight to protect the privacy and decisions a woman makes with her doctor and/or her Intended Parents.

-The Surrogacy Center

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A Surrogacy Chat with Lisa, Gestational Carrier

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Q: Let’s start with the basics: When were you first matched with your IPs, and how did you know you were the right fit for each other?

A: When I got their profile I tried so hard to wait for my husband to get home but that didn’t happen. As soon as I opened it up I read all the information and waited to see their photos last. They had every “box checked” that we wanted in intended parents. This being our first time doing this we didn’t know what to expect so we just said we wanted someone who had similar values and views on life. Little did we know, we were the same people basically. We say all the time that the Surrogacy Center definitely knew what they were doing matching us.

Q: About how much time was there between matching and your embryo transfer? What did you do to bond with each other during that period?

A: Due to Covid we met virtually. We were matched in April and first transfer was November. After our meeting we didn’t talk because we didn’t really know how to start the conversation. Eventually one of us texted the other and we just made small talk for a while. The day before transfer we decided to meet in person. We ended up closing down the restaurant and it went much better than expected. 

Q: How did you and your IPs stay connected during your pregnancy? Were they able/interested in coming to some of your OB appointments?

A: We talked and Snapchatted a lot. I talked to the mom pretty much every day. She was always checking in and wanting to know every detail about the pregnancy. I sent weekly belly photos and lots of videos once the baby started moving. They came to every single appointment (only missed one due to them usually running late haha). We actually did a maternity photo shoot with all of us! 

Q: Tell us all about your labor and delivery experience. How did you all decide who would be there, what your roles would be, etc.?

A: We told the IPs right away depending on Covid restrictions, we would give up my husband’s spot for one of them to be in with me.  We knew we had to have a C-section. We talked about it and all agreed that the IP mom would be with me in the delivery room and both my husband and baby’s dad would wait in their room for after baby came. We went in to our 38 week appointment (last one before scheduled c section) and my doctor asked me if I was having contractions. I laughed and said no, but he knew I was lying. I wasn’t ready for him to come! I needed another week to prepare my family. I also didn’t want the IPs to feel rushed and unplanned, but baby was coming early (that’s our going joke that he is the only early one in their family) 

They had a hospital room right next to mine, and I was so tired and out of it right after he was born that I don’t really remember them coming in at all. The next couple of days we just hung out at the hospital. They often came over to my room to talk or just check to make sure I was ok. We all went home a few days later. 

Q: Even though our brain logically knows the baby we carry is not ours, our hormones can affect us otherwise. How has it been recovering from delivery?

A: Emotionally it’s been fine. I’ve seen the baby multiple times and don’t get sad or anything like that. I was so excited for them (and still am today) that it wasn’t about “giving a baby away” but instead it was giving the baby back. Recovery is tough and you get bored a lot. You don’t have a baby to care for and you can’t do much after a C- section so it was a lot of nothing. My kids thought because I no longer had a big belly I could play and do everything I could before, so that was honestly the hardest part was telling them I couldn’t do that yet. 

Q: What advice would you give those considering using a gestational carrier?

A: Trust the process. What you put into it is what you will get out of it. We didn’t know what to expect and we were honest with our intended parents the entire time. 

Q: What advice would you give those considering becoming a gestational carrier?

 A: It’s the most incredible thing. If you are able to understand the mental part of it, there is nothing greater than seeing the parents hold their baby for the first time and watching them become parents. You get asked a lot of questions since people don’t always know you aren’t carrying your own baby, so that part gets awkward sometimes but it’s totally worth it. All the medications, emotions, doctor appointments – all worth it! 

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A Surrogacy Chat with Riley O’Connor

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Riley O’Connor is a meteorologist at WCCO. He is from Evansville, Indiana. He has an undergraduate degree from Purdue and a meteorology degree from Mississippi State. His most important title is “Dad,” as he has twin children, a boy and a girl. He loves to be outdoors, work out and cook. He is passionate about surrogacy advocacy.

Q: How did you learn about surrogacy?

A: It would’ve been years and years ago because I’ve wanted to have a family since I was a little kid, and knowing that I was gay, I knew that I had to figure it out. I probably really started considering it in the early 2000s when I was living in Los Angeles. In Indiana (where I am from), you didn’t really hear about it much. I started talking to people and friends out there who had gay parents, and that’s where it started.

Q: There are of course different ways to build a family. People who may be well-intentioned will often say things like “Why not just adopt?” How confident were you that surrogacy was the right route for your family?

A: 100%. We did think about adoption, and it was an option. Every child deserves a loving home. I think that surrogacy was the right route for me but everybody is different. It’s a personal decision.

Q: How did your friends and family react when you told them about your decision to pursue surrogacy?

A: They all thought it was amazing, but also had no idea how it would work! A lot of people don’t understand how the process works. They see the carrier and they think that’s the biological mother. I had to explain that we had a separate egg donor, then the embryo was transferred to her to carry. There’s a lot of education to talk about- to inform people how this actually works. Overall I think I had a really positive experience with it. I’ve had occasions where I’ve said I have kids through surrogacy and you can tell people sometimes may not be for that, but I’m a positive person so I tend to leave the negative alone.

Q: What qualities were you looking for in a carrier? It’s a unique thing to be seeking out someone to carry a baby on your behalf, and everyone has a mental list of ideals. What were yours?

A: Honestly when I first started, I didn’t know. I knew I wanted to have a good relationship with her- I think that was one of the most important things. When you begin the process, you don’t know that that’s really going to happen. That was my biggest question, like “Are we going to be able to talk to her? Can we go to the ultrasounds? Can we be there when the kids are born?” For me, it was about establishing a relationship first with her. It was also great knowing that she had kids prior, there were no miscarriages or issues. I knew I wanted someone who’d had successful births in the past, who was very open-minded, who was willing to be there for questions and guide us along the way. It’s hard when you know your child is with someone else and they don’t live in your house! But also I wanted to give her space- I didn’t want to overload her and call every day. We had put in our contract with our attorneys that we would have open communication. When you meet the right person, you know. It’s about chemistry between the intended parents and the carrier.

Q: How was the pregnancy experience for you as an intended parent?

A: We were very lucky when we had the twins. We had zero issues. The transfer was successful. The pregnancy was great. Unfortunately, you do hear of stories where there are failed transfers, miscarriages and it’s scary. We were nervous for our 20 week ultrasound but it was all fine. Our carrier delivered at term and it was just such a positive experience.

Q: Did you feel like you were a part of the pregnancy as much as you could be?

A: Yes – we were able to go to some of the doctor appointments, and every week she would send us updates. She was very involved with the process and letting us know how she was feeling. She had a couple months of morning sickness and she let us know – we knew she was proactive about a healthy diet and we trusted her. She was just really good at keeping us involved.

Q: After your babies were born, how did you navigate your relationship with your carrier?

A: We were very up front with her and said “You’re in the family.” We were lucky enough with her that she totally understood that and didn’t want to step on our toes. She expressed interest in maintaining a connection and we said yes, we want her to be. I had to think of the kids – as they grow up, they’re going to want to know where they came from and so I wanted to make sure that they understood. We have kept in contact often by texting and sending pictures.

Q: What advice do you have for someone who is looking into surrogacy as an intended parent?

A: If your heart says do it, then do it! Sit down with people and do the research, take your time, realize that this is an expensive process. Try to understand where you’re going to get the money first off, because it is very expensive. Do research online, watch videos of people who have gone through the process. You need to understand the pros and cons. Understand there can be issues because everyone has a different experience. But it can be the most rewarding thing in the entire world.

Q: Any advice for someone who is thinking about becoming a carrier?

A: Enjoy the journey. You’re giving someone an amazing gift. Get to know the intended parents, if that’s what they want, and just be as comfortable as you can.

Q: Anything else you’d like to add about surrogacy?

A: I just think it’s the most amazing thing in the world. Science is a wonderful thing. If you want to do it, then find a way, and have support. Have open conversations about it and educate people about it. The more conversation that gets out, the more positivity surrounding it, the more people will understand it, and the more it will happen.

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Through the Eyes of a Gestational Carrier

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Serving as a Gestational Carrier (GC) for a family and helping to make their dreams come true can be an incredibly unique and rewarding experience for everyone involved. We’ve asked one of our former GCs, “R”, to share her perspective on her journey in the hopes of helping other women who are considering becoming a Gestational Carrier.

“Being part of their journey to become parents is something I will hold close to my heart forever.” – R

What made you decide to become a Gestational Carrier?

I have been asked this question so many times when going through the surrogacy process and while pregnant. You would think that I would have had time to perfect my answer, but it is a pretty simple one. Growing up, I always wanted to be a mom. I cannot imagine what it would have been like for this not to work out for me. I think back to when I first found out I was pregnant and first held my babies. To be able to have the opportunity to help another couple start a family was something that I felt honored to do. Being able to be a part of someone being a new mama was a feeling I still am not able to put in words. Our delivery was via caesarean so I was able to see mom’s face as her baby was born. Being part of this and watching a couple I have come to love be parents has been an experience I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Did you have any fears going into it once the decision was made to be a Gestational Carriers, and if so, how did you address those fears?

My biggest fear when deciding to become a gestational carrier was how my kids would handle everything. I was worried about what they would be able to understand. I was worried about them having a hard time when baby would not come home with us. I was also worried about being pregnant and not having the energy or being too sick to do the things that they need from me. My kids were 9 and 6 when I was a carrier. To make things a little more challenging, our transfer was on March 30, 2020, which means that our entire pregnancy was during the pandemic. About 3 months before we delivered we learned that the hospital had made restrictions to not allow any visitors in to the hospital. I was devastated. By this time my children, especially my 6-year-old daughter, were very attached to baby. She sang to him, rubbed my belly, and prayed for him each night. I was terrified that she would not be able to understand and have the closure that she needed. To better help my kids understand we had many conversations and read books together on surrogacy. I was amazed at how my children were able to understand. I heard a few times from parents of their friends what my kids and told their kids about what we were doing. I was also able to talk with another GC for ideas on how to help my kids. One of the best ideas actually came from the baby’s mommy. She had read in a blog that to help baby transition home it is helpful to have an item from our house that smells like our house, which was what baby had been used to. The mom thought it would be a good idea to have my daughter be included in this and take care of the item for baby. They got her a pillow to take care of and we got her a stuffed animal. This worked so well and she was so proud to be included! She slept with her items each night and was able to give them to baby. The parents also bought her a matching pillow and we got her a matching stuffed animal. Another thing that was very helpful was that the baby’s parents had rented a hotel room and allowed my kids to see baby on their way home for a short time. I was still in the hospital but my husband was able to take the kids to see baby and say good-bye. This was perfect for them. 

Other than your immediate family, what support system did you set in place for to be with you during your journey to helping build a family?

I was very lucky to have many people supporting me throughout the surrogacy process. It took me a long time to convince my husband that I needed to become a surrogate and once he was on board and we made the decision for me to be a surrogate I could not have asked for a better support. I am also very fortunate to have had my mother and mother-in-law close by and very helpful the whole time. For the second baby in a row my water broke during the night, the day before the scheduled caesarean and my mother-in-law came over in her pajamas to take care of my kids! I had a friend who has been a surrogate multiple times and she was great with any questions that I had. I was also able to email my contact at the surrogacy center with questions. I also have some close girlfriends and coworkers that listened to me, supported me, and were excited right along with me. The baby’s parents and I became close along the way and they were a big source of support. 

What was the hardest part you experienced throughout the process of being a Gestational Carrier and how did you work through that?

The most challenging part of the surrogacy process was that there are so many people involved (attorneys for both sides, fertility clinic, parents, surrogacy agency) so you have little control over the timeline. I am not always the most patient person and when I set my mind to something I go for it. In the surrogacy process I felt that I was always waiting on someone else to do something and the timelines we were given were often prolonged. We met the parents in late summer 2019 and our transfer was 3/30/20! Much of this time was waiting on the fertility clinic and legal contracts and additional medical clearance requirements. I don’t have advice on how to make this easier, but would simply say it’s helpful to know that there are many people coming together to help bring a little one into the world, so just know that things aren’t on your timeline and to be patient and flexible.

What advice can you offer to other women who are interested in becoming a Gestational Carrier?

When I first think of the question, “What advice do you have for someone considering being a surrogate?” My immediate thought was, Do it!! It will be one of the most rewarding experiences you will ever have. When thinking about it further I realize that there is more to it than that. It is a big commitment for your whole family. When I first looked into surrogacy I didn’t give as much thought to how much of a commitment it would be for my whole family. This was especially true for my husband. Everyone was concerned about me being attached and the extra things I was doing. Little credit is given to your partner who will be picking up the extra work around the home when you are too tired or taking care of the kids when you have extra appointments to attend. He may even be getting up at 6am for a couple months to give you a progesterone injection that you are too scared to give yourself. That being said, I would not change our surrogacy journey for anything. Going into it I knew how rewarding it would be for me, but had no idea how much it would have impacted our whole family. It was amazing to see how much my kids were able to understand and how much they came to love the little guy and his family. My best advice is talk with your support system, talk with others who have been surrogates, talk to your doctor, read surrogacy blogs, and ask questions. It is a big commitment for you and your family. Make sure you are ready and go for it!

Many thanks to R for providing an inside perspective on her experience as an amazing GC! R welcomed baby “C”, on December 8, 2020, and her parents couldn’t be more happy, grateful, and thrilled!

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The Demands of Being a GC

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Being a Gestational Carrier (GC) is a life-changing journey full of joy, excitement, and a great sense of accomplishment for many. Other than the physical accommodations, what are some of the things it takes to be a gestational carrier? We’ve highlighted some factors to give you a few more reasons to love and appreciate the process of surrogacy:

ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS

GCs have a more hectic schedule to maintain than they previously had prior to making the decision to become a gestational carrier, and more so if they have a family of their own to manage and maintain. With the appointments and meetings and general on-the-go lifestyle, GCs must be able to balance their responsibilities well in order to meet the demands of carrying a child for another family. Having stellar organizational skills better equips GCs to be sure they accomplish the tasks at hand. While the agency, fertility clinic and attorneys will assist in reminding the GC what to do and when, a good suggestion would be to employ a calendaring system in order to keep track of everything.

FLEXIBILITY

As with most pregnancies, women need to be at the very least capable of being flexible and having an open mind, as there are many aspects of pregnancy that are beyond the carrier’s control. As a GC, there are even more aspects that are out of your hands, since the child being carried is not your own. Much of this can be outlined in the Agreement determined ahead of time with the Intended Parents (IPs), however, a GC still must be willing and able to be flexible with the unexpected twists and turns that accompany the role they signed up for. Adherence to updated COVID restrictions is also a very important factor, and it will be expected that all GCs adhere to the current guidelines in their communities.

A FANTASTIC SUPPORT SYSTEM

Carrying a child for another family is an incredible and selfless act, however, that’s not to say that a support system is unnecessary – in fact, quite the opposite. There are countless appointments, meetings, and constant communication with the IPs, as well as the attorneys handling all the legal aspects of the process, all of which can seem exhausting – especially while pregnant!  Having a strong team of support to help you through that process for 9+ months is ideal and highly recommended. This can consist of any or all of the following – a husband, partner, sibling, parent, favorite aunt, best friend, or *anyone* who will cheer you on throughout the process. Along with pregnancy comes an array of unexpected and exciting facets – so it is best to be equipped with an ironclad team of support to help you through the entire journey.

The journey of being a gestational carrier is an audacious task for any woman. While providing a safe environment for the newest addition to your family to thrive and grow in before their big debut, GCs are selfless, charitable individuals with a yearning desire to help complete families for others. For more information on how you can qualify as a Gestational Carrier, visit our website: https://surrogacycenter.com. Stay safe and stay healthy, everyone!

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Building our Family: Joe and Adan’s Story

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Today’s actually a big day. My husband and I signed our Parentage Agreement with our Gestational Carrier and sent it off to the attorneys. There were some minor negotiations, but mostly just waiting as the agreement was written up. But here we go. It’s really happening.  Finally. It’s so exciting, hopeful. It didn’t always feel like this though. Luckily, we had a sort of Fairy Godmother with us the entire time. Let me start at the beginning.

My name is Joe and I am thirty-nine years old. Ever since I was young, I knew I wanted to have a family. I yearned for one. Deep in my bones. I laid in bed at night envisioning the perfect little family around the dinner table, mom in her apron and dad with his coffee and newspaper, kids playing board games on the shag carpet. As I grew up though, I learned that this dream might be next to impossible…

You see, I’m gay. And I learned as I became an adolescent and then a young adult that this goal of mine would be extremely challenging, if at all possible. I tucked this dream of mine away in my heart for a few years.

Fast forward and now a high school English teacher at a small urban charter school, I’ve traveled to many beautiful places around the world, written a couple of books, and have lived a life of adventure and love. Oh, and I’m married to my best friend Adan. We’ve been together for ten years now. He’s from Mexico and moved to the states about twelve years ago. After we married, he worked hard for his dream to get his Green Card. He achieved that amazing goal in 2018 and he hopes to become a U.S citizen in the future. We’re making our dreams come true together. And we’re onto the next one.

Six years ago, we got a call in the middle of the night. It was CPS (Child Protective Services) and they asked if we could take in my three nieces and nephew. The children’s parents had been dealing with substance abuse for a while, but we never imagined something like this.  My husband and I have cared for them, loved them up, taking them to dance rehearsals and football, making sure they eat healthy, do their homework, hugged them when they had troubles with friends at school, laughed with them on countless camping and road trips, etc. etc. etc. Essentially, we’ve done what I have always dreamt of. We created a sort of perfect little family around the dinner table, uncle in his apron and uncle with his coffee and newspaper, kids playing Fort Nite on the shag carpet. 

This wonderful experience only solidified my dream of having a baby with my husband. But I knew it’d be challenging. Perhaps impossible? And very expensive. I knew I needed support, a cheerleader, a mentor. I contacted The Surrogacy Center.

The Surrogacy Center immediately gave us Jeanne Ferguson as our Director of Client Services. We met her on a snowy evening in Madison. I felt bad that she had to drive in that kind of weather. But she did. Just for us. We told her our story and our dreams of having a baby. She was kind. Warm. Understanding. She seemed so gentle that I didn’t totally believe that she could be strong enough to make this dream a reality for us. Could she really fight for us?  Could she really deal with my emotions? As snowflakes fell outside the window, I began to realize that she was the perfect mentor and we left feeling optimistic. We made our way to our cold car, our hearts warm.

As we went through the process, Jeanne held our hands through it all, leading us, advising us. She helped us find and meet and work with our first surrogate and then our second (after our first backed out). She aided in our initial medical appointments, keeping our dream alive during the “boring stuff.” She assisted us in exploring our egg donor. Because we wanted a Hispanic egg donor, it was maybe more difficult than usual. After weeks of searching and exploring and decision-making, we finally found one in California.

Well, then COVID-19 hit. That put everything on pause and some things in a tailspin, like our egg donor. After navigating through a pandemic, we had to choose a different egg donor – and this time our eggs would be frozen, not fresh. It was a huge decision with a lot of variables and Jeanne was always there for us, answering questions, writing and responding to emails, making calls for us, and everything in between. Meanwhile she was also working with our Gestational Carrier, keeping her organized and optimistic and reassured.  

I’ll never forget the time that I really had a lot of emotions about a particular subject with our surrogate. I won’t get into details here but I essentially wanted to express something to her.  But I was unsure if I should do that, worried that our relationship would be damaged from the conversation. I called Jeanne. She was on vacation at a cabin on a Saturday night. She didn’t need to but she answered the phone. Just hearing her voice calmed me. She listened to me.  She was compassionate. And then, most importantly, she was a problem-solver. I hung up the phone feeling confident that would be well. She acted as a liaison between our GC and us, and had the difficult conversation with understanding and patience and eloquence. Jeanne was a tightrope walker, promising to catch us, not letting us fall. 

She even helped my family in a way. There was a time when the father of our four children was arrested and had to go to prison for a year. Jeanne sent me a list of children’s books about dealing with incarcerated parents. She did this kind of stuff all the time, caring for us not just as “intended parents” but as humans, as friends.

Needless to say, about a year and a half later, we finally have our embryos and our contract with our Gestational Carrier. The transfer will be happening soon. And hopefully the pregnancy.  Of course, nothing’s been simple in this process, so we will have to cross our fingers that everything goes well. Even if not, I know we have Jeanne in our corner.  And that comforts me. We’re incredibly thankful for her and The Surrogacy Center.   

My husband and I and our four kids are so thrilled to expand our family. We’re getting our nest ready, building some new bedrooms, getting more furniture, growing our home. Our biggest worry now is money.  We’re unsure if we can even totally afford this dream.  I finished and published a novel, hoping this helps with some expenses.* But the anxiety is still there. We’re making it happen regardless. A dream is a dream is a dream. And with our Fairy Godmother Jeanne, we know she’ll help grant us our dream, aid in us making it come true. Holding our hands through all the big days and boring days and sad days, a wand in her hand – “Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo.”

*To order a copy of Joe’s most recent book, please click here.