Today’s actually a big day. My husband and I signed our Parentage Agreement with our Gestational Carrier and sent it off to the attorneys. There were some minor negotiations, but mostly just waiting as the agreement was written up. But here we go. It’s really happening. Finally. It’s so exciting, hopeful. It didn’t always feel like this though. Luckily, we had a sort of Fairy Godmother with us the entire time. Let me start at the beginning.
My name is Joe and I am thirty-nine years old. Ever since I was young, I knew I wanted to have a family. I yearned for one. Deep in my bones. I laid in bed at night envisioning the perfect little family around the dinner table, mom in her apron and dad with his coffee and newspaper, kids playing board games on the shag carpet. As I grew up though, I learned that this dream might be next to impossible…
You see, I’m gay. And I learned as I became an adolescent and then a young adult that this goal of mine would be extremely challenging, if at all possible. I tucked this dream of mine away in my heart for a few years.
Fast forward and now a high school English teacher at a small urban charter school, I’ve traveled to many beautiful places around the world, written a couple of books, and have lived a life of adventure and love. Oh, and I’m married to my best friend Adan. We’ve been together for ten years now. He’s from Mexico and moved to the states about twelve years ago. After we married, he worked hard for his dream to get his Green Card. He achieved that amazing goal in 2018 and he hopes to become a U.S citizen in the future. We’re making our dreams come true together. And we’re onto the next one.
Six years ago, we got a call in the middle of the night. It was CPS (Child Protective Services) and they asked if we could take in my three nieces and nephew. The children’s parents had been dealing with substance abuse for a while, but we never imagined something like this. My husband and I have cared for them, loved them up, taking them to dance rehearsals and football, making sure they eat healthy, do their homework, hugged them when they had troubles with friends at school, laughed with them on countless camping and road trips, etc. etc. etc. Essentially, we’ve done what I have always dreamt of. We created a sort of perfect little family around the dinner table, uncle in his apron and uncle with his coffee and newspaper, kids playing Fort Nite on the shag carpet.
This wonderful experience only solidified my dream of having a baby with my husband. But I knew it’d be challenging. Perhaps impossible? And very expensive. I knew I needed support, a cheerleader, a mentor. I contacted The Surrogacy Center.
The Surrogacy Center immediately gave us Jeanne Ferguson as our Director of Client Services. We met her on a snowy evening in Madison. I felt bad that she had to drive in that kind of weather. But she did. Just for us. We told her our story and our dreams of having a baby. She was kind. Warm. Understanding. She seemed so gentle that I didn’t totally believe that she could be strong enough to make this dream a reality for us. Could she really fight for us? Could she really deal with my emotions? As snowflakes fell outside the window, I began to realize that she was the perfect mentor and we left feeling optimistic. We made our way to our cold car, our hearts warm.
As we went through the process, Jeanne held our hands through it all, leading us, advising us. She helped us find and meet and work with our first surrogate and then our second (after our first backed out). She aided in our initial medical appointments, keeping our dream alive during the “boring stuff.” She assisted us in exploring our egg donor. Because we wanted a Hispanic egg donor, it was maybe more difficult than usual. After weeks of searching and exploring and decision-making, we finally found one in California.
Well, then COVID-19 hit. That put everything on pause and some things in a tailspin, like our egg donor. After navigating through a pandemic, we had to choose a different egg donor – and this time our eggs would be frozen, not fresh. It was a huge decision with a lot of variables and Jeanne was always there for us, answering questions, writing and responding to emails, making calls for us, and everything in between. Meanwhile she was also working with our Gestational Carrier, keeping her organized and optimistic and reassured.
I’ll never forget the time that I really had a lot of emotions about a particular subject with our surrogate. I won’t get into details here but I essentially wanted to express something to her. But I was unsure if I should do that, worried that our relationship would be damaged from the conversation. I called Jeanne. She was on vacation at a cabin on a Saturday night. She didn’t need to but she answered the phone. Just hearing her voice calmed me. She listened to me. She was compassionate. And then, most importantly, she was a problem-solver. I hung up the phone feeling confident that would be well. She acted as a liaison between our GC and us, and had the difficult conversation with understanding and patience and eloquence. Jeanne was a tightrope walker, promising to catch us, not letting us fall.
She even helped my family in a way. There was a time when the father of our four children was arrested and had to go to prison for a year. Jeanne sent me a list of children’s books about dealing with incarcerated parents. She did this kind of stuff all the time, caring for us not just as “intended parents” but as humans, as friends.
Needless to say, about a year and a half later, we finally have our embryos and our contract with our Gestational Carrier. The transfer will be happening soon. And hopefully the pregnancy. Of course, nothing’s been simple in this process, so we will have to cross our fingers that everything goes well. Even if not, I know we have Jeanne in our corner. And that comforts me. We’re incredibly thankful for her and The Surrogacy Center.
My husband and I and our four kids are so thrilled to expand our family. We’re getting our nest ready, building some new bedrooms, getting more furniture, growing our home. Our biggest worry now is money. We’re unsure if we can even totally afford this dream. I finished and published a novel, hoping this helps with some expenses.* But the anxiety is still there. We’re making it happen regardless. A dream is a dream is a dream. And with our Fairy Godmother Jeanne, we know she’ll help grant us our dream, aid in us making it come true. Holding our hands through all the big days and boring days and sad days, a wand in her hand – “Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo.”
*To order a copy of Joe’s most recent book, please click here.
At my 20-year high school reunion I reconnected with an old friend. We kept in touch after that and got to be close again. She eventually confided in me that she and her husband got married “late” (in their 30s) and had been having a very hard time getting pregnant. After about a year of watching them struggle I told her that I would have a baby for them. We were both surprised that those words came out of my mouth, as my own children were teenagers and I had never had any desire to be pregnant again. She went home and discussed it with her husband and he thought that would be too “weird”. But I am the kind of person who gets an idea in her head and then needs to pursue it until I can make it happen… So I started to research surrogacy online. I found a great agency in Maryland, Creative Family Connections, that accepted carriers up to age 42. Once I had all materials turned in the agency sent a case manager to my home, to meet me and see if I’d be a good fit for any of their waiting Intended Parents.