Riley O’Connor is a meteorologist at WCCO. He is from Evansville, Indiana. He has an undergraduate degree from Purdue and a meteorology degree from Mississippi State. His most important title is “Dad,” as he has twin children, a boy and a girl. He loves to be outdoors, work out and cook. He is passionate about surrogacy advocacy.
Q: How did you learn about surrogacy?
A: It would’ve been years and years ago because I’ve wanted to have a family since I was a little kid, and knowing that I was gay, I knew that I had to figure it out. I probably really started considering it in the early 2000s when I was living in Los Angeles. In Indiana (where I am from), you didn’t really hear about it much. I started talking to people and friends out there who had gay parents, and that’s where it started.
Q: There are of course different ways to build a family. People who may be well-intentioned will often say things like “Why not just adopt?” How confident were you that surrogacy was the right route for your family?
A: 100%. We did think about adoption, and it was an option. Every child deserves a loving home. I think that surrogacy was the right route for me but everybody is different. It’s a personal decision.
Q: How did your friends and family react when you told them about your decision to pursue surrogacy?
A: They all thought it was amazing, but also had no idea how it would work! A lot of people don’t understand how the process works. They see the carrier and they think that’s the biological mother. I had to explain that we had a separate egg donor, then the embryo was transferred to her to carry. There’s a lot of education to talk about- to inform people how this actually works. Overall I think I had a really positive experience with it. I’ve had occasions where I’ve said I have kids through surrogacy and you can tell people sometimes may not be for that, but I’m a positive person so I tend to leave the negative alone.
Q: What qualities were you looking for in a carrier? It’s a unique thing to be seeking out someone to carry a baby on your behalf, and everyone has a mental list of ideals. What were yours?
A: Honestly when I first started, I didn’t know. I knew I wanted to have a good relationship with her- I think that was one of the most important things. When you begin the process, you don’t know that that’s really going to happen. That was my biggest question, like “Are we going to be able to talk to her? Can we go to the ultrasounds? Can we be there when the kids are born?” For me, it was about establishing a relationship first with her. It was also great knowing that she had kids prior, there were no miscarriages or issues. I knew I wanted someone who’d had successful births in the past, who was very open-minded, who was willing to be there for questions and guide us along the way. It’s hard when you know your child is with someone else and they don’t live in your house! But also I wanted to give her space- I didn’t want to overload her and call every day. We had put in our contract with our attorneys that we would have open communication. When you meet the right person, you know. It’s about chemistry between the intended parents and the carrier.
Q: How was the pregnancy experience for you as an intended parent?
A: We were very lucky when we had the twins. We had zero issues. The transfer was successful. The pregnancy was great. Unfortunately, you do hear of stories where there are failed transfers, miscarriages and it’s scary. We were nervous for our 20 week ultrasound but it was all fine. Our carrier delivered at term and it was just such a positive experience.
Q: Did you feel like you were a part of the pregnancy as much as you could be?
A: Yes – we were able to go to some of the doctor appointments, and every week she would send us updates. She was very involved with the process and letting us know how she was feeling. She had a couple months of morning sickness and she let us know – we knew she was proactive about a healthy diet and we trusted her. She was just really good at keeping us involved.
Q: After your babies were born, how did you navigate your relationship with your carrier?
A: We were very up front with her and said “You’re in the family.” We were lucky enough with her that she totally understood that and didn’t want to step on our toes. She expressed interest in maintaining a connection and we said yes, we want her to be. I had to think of the kids – as they grow up, they’re going to want to know where they came from and so I wanted to make sure that they understood. We have kept in contact often by texting and sending pictures.
Q: What advice do you have for someone who is looking into surrogacy as an intended parent?
A: If your heart says do it, then do it! Sit down with people and do the research, take your time, realize that this is an expensive process. Try to understand where you’re going to get the money first off, because it is very expensive. Do research online, watch videos of people who have gone through the process. You need to understand the pros and cons. Understand there can be issues because everyone has a different experience. But it can be the most rewarding thing in the entire world.
Q: Any advice for someone who is thinking about becoming a carrier?
A: Enjoy the journey. You’re giving someone an amazing gift. Get to know the intended parents, if that’s what they want, and just be as comfortable as you can.
Q: Anything else you’d like to add about surrogacy?
A: I just think it’s the most amazing thing in the world. Science is a wonderful thing. If you want to do it, then find a way, and have support. Have open conversations about it and educate people about it. The more conversation that gets out, the more positivity surrounding it, the more people will understand it, and the more it will happen.