Q: Let’s start with the basics: When were you first matched with your IPs, and how did you know you were the right fit for each other?
A: When I got their profile I tried so hard to wait for my husband to get home but that didn’t happen. As soon as I opened it up I read all the information and waited to see their photos last. They had every “box checked” that we wanted in intended parents. This being our first time doing this we didn’t know what to expect so we just said we wanted someone who had similar values and views on life. Little did we know, we were the same people basically. We say all the time that the Surrogacy Center definitely knew what they were doing matching us.
Q: About how much time was there between matching and your embryo transfer? What did you do to bond with each other during that period?
A: Due to Covid we met virtually. We were matched in April and first transfer was November. After our meeting we didn’t talk because we didn’t really know how to start the conversation. Eventually one of us texted the other and we just made small talk for a while. The day before transfer we decided to meet in person. We ended up closing down the restaurant and it went much better than expected.
Q: How did you and your IPs stay connected during your pregnancy? Were they able/interested in coming to some of your OB appointments?
A: We talked and Snapchatted a lot. I talked to the mom pretty much every day. She was always checking in and wanting to know every detail about the pregnancy. I sent weekly belly photos and lots of videos once the baby started moving. They came to every single appointment (only missed one due to them usually running late haha). We actually did a maternity photo shoot with all of us!
Q: Tell us all about your labor and delivery experience. How did you all decide who would be there, what your roles would be, etc.?
A: We told the IPs right away depending on Covid restrictions, we would give up my husband’s spot for one of them to be in with me. We knew we had to have a C-section. We talked about it and all agreed that the IP mom would be with me in the delivery room and both my husband and baby’s dad would wait in their room for after baby came. We went in to our 38 week appointment (last one before scheduled c section) and my doctor asked me if I was having contractions. I laughed and said no, but he knew I was lying. I wasn’t ready for him to come! I needed another week to prepare my family. I also didn’t want the IPs to feel rushed and unplanned, but baby was coming early (that’s our going joke that he is the only early one in their family)
They had a hospital room right next to mine, and I was so tired and out of it right after he was born that I don’t really remember them coming in at all. The next couple of days we just hung out at the hospital. They often came over to my room to talk or just check to make sure I was ok. We all went home a few days later.
Q: Even though our brain logically knows the baby we carry is not ours, our hormones can affect us otherwise. How has it been recovering from delivery?
A: Emotionally it’s been fine. I’ve seen the baby multiple times and don’t get sad or anything like that. I was so excited for them (and still am today) that it wasn’t about “giving a baby away” but instead it was giving the baby back. Recovery is tough and you get bored a lot. You don’t have a baby to care for and you can’t do much after a C- section so it was a lot of nothing. My kids thought because I no longer had a big belly I could play and do everything I could before, so that was honestly the hardest part was telling them I couldn’t do that yet.
Q: What advice would you give those considering using a gestational carrier?
A: Trust the process. What you put into it is what you will get out of it. We didn’t know what to expect and we were honest with our intended parents the entire time.
Q: What advice would you give those considering becoming a gestational carrier?
A: It’s the most incredible thing. If you are able to understand the mental part of it, there is nothing greater than seeing the parents hold their baby for the first time and watching them become parents. You get asked a lot of questions since people don’t always know you aren’t carrying your own baby, so that part gets awkward sometimes but it’s totally worth it. All the medications, emotions, doctor appointments – all worth it!